Showing posts from January, 2017

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"You are crying."
"He said sorry couple days ago.  I had no idea what he was  referring back then, but now I understand. And still, I feel crappy."


... when things go super wrong for your heart

Homo Rituals

Don't create a ritual that you are not able to maintain


"Finishing the curiosity, ending the attraction, that is how it works, right?"
"I am not sure."


One of the things that I love from meeting a stranger is the absence of attributes. We can talk like a human being for the sake of our attitudes and not for our religion, skin color or degree. I am wondering whether we can just be human, people who want to enjoy each other company without being judged for our attributes?

The presence of application-based transportation allows me to meet drivers from various backgrounds. There are various stories: the middle class group who seeks for additional income after exercise at the gym, a colleague student who need additional income to support his study, a driver with a television in his car and was familiar with the network of gangs in many cities in Indonesia or full time drivers who shift their job from conventional taxi.

Once I left the car, the driver and I become a stranger again. Two people who won't greet each other once our lives intersect in the street. However, within the half-hour drive, we are close to what people call friend: …


A news greeted me this morning, an invitation from my friend's friend.
"It is ironic," she said, "after what he and I been through, he chose to be with somebody else."
I do not know what to say since I am surely not an expert in love-related matter. Maybe, what happen is for the best since one once told me that if things are meant to be, then the universe will conspire to make it happens and if not then probably, it is never meant to be. But then, it is impossible to say that to my friend.


When you start crossing some lines
And you are no longer sure of where you stand


"Jadi sekarang kamu mau apa?"
"I don't know. Everything feels like falling apart, nothing seems right."
"Come on, it's not that bad. You have your degree, you still have a job, an income, you are still the privilege one, living so long with a scholarship. It's payback time."
"You know that I got the scholarship extension after the system has been criticized for its low success rate, don't you? So it's nothing such as free lunch. It's always quid pro quo."
"So what do you want?"
"I am thinking to do a post-doc. Leaving this bloody situation."
"Running away again?"
"What if being a gypsy is the only survival mechanism I can live with? My only way to be happy ... Contrary to what I say whenever I try to convince myself to stay, I cannot do it."
"Even the last movie I watched was crappy."
"AADC? Oh boy, you are hopeless."
"Am I? Maybe. I do not k…

New Journey

One of the reasons I have not published any of my PhD defense pictures is to savor the feeling. Being a PhD student was liberating and nice. Somehow, you have supervisors who would protect you from being too chaotic, which means basically you could explore all the knowledge out there as you pleased (surely, this was taken from my point of view). Passing that phase means that you lose the protection and in a way, it’s a bit scary or even boring. I hope this year will lead me to a new interesting journey. So here is one of the nicest thing you get when you graduate from the Netherlands: laudatio from your supervisor.

Let me begin in true European academic style by quoting some Latin: in medias res as a governing metaphor for Yuti’s PhD and for her life, at least the little of her life that I had the privilege to share. So Yuti, you are always in the middle of things, always entangled in your thoughts, things and in difficult concepts you love experimenting with. You manage to entangle y…