Tuesday, May 19, 2015
It has been two years or less since I slept in your room. I tried to avoid entering it since I wanted to savor the feeling of you being around. Sleeping here after you were gone awakening the sadness that I want to avoid. I miss you ... and although I know that insyaAllah you are in a better place, I feel a bit empty, especially since we used to sleep together.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Saturday, March 21, 2015
A relative offered me to match me with his other relative and I freaked out. Although I only experienced it once, at least that one felt almost normal. It did not suffocate me like I felt when I read my relative's message about bringing the man into my house. Minor detail: the feeling was not mutual. So there it is, my love to French tragic ending turned into reality.
“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love” -- Dr. Seuss
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
I am wondering whether agency, as the ability to change a state of affairs, is a good thing. Yesterday while looking for a novel, I found my mathematics final project. I amazed on how the book was mostly consist of formulas, with acknowledgement longer than the introduction and conclusion (since basically I only need to say QED). I even managed to write a book about numbers, have one citation for the math book and write a popular writing about mathematics in a local newspaper. So why did I change my discipline? Why path dependency did not work for me?
Tak sengaja aku membuka kembali lembaran lama. Buku tugas akhir yang berada di rak buku orang tuaku. Dan tanpa bisa kucegah kenangan mengalir kembali. Terutama ketika aku membaca lembaran terimakasih. Aku tak berani membuka buku tesis, takut akan menemukan namamu juga di sana. Ada kenangan yang lebih senang kututup rapat. Dan lucunya ketika aku memposting deretan formula di laman facebook, aku jadi teringat kata-kata pembimbingku untuk selalu mengikuti kata hati. Mendadak hari ini ia muncul di departemen untuk berbincang dengan kolegaku dan mendadak aku diminta mengerjakan persamaan diferensial.