Tuesday, August 23, 2016


the practice of concealing messages or information within other nonsecret text or data

The funny thing about a secret is that you want the right person to decode it. You hide it on a false date, a kind of steganography that may disguise others. But when no one notice the brilliant of it, you feel disappointed. There are traces, algorithm over algorithm, which allow you to find the real messages. However, there is a possibility that you get lost along the journey. You start to see the disguise as the real thing and you are no longer sure between the medium and the message.

Saturday, August 13, 2016


Kay membiarkan kopi hitamnya dingin. Rasa pekat yang biasanya membuat ia bersemangat, kini terasa terlalu menyengat. Pahit. Perasaan yang juga ia rasakan terhadap Kala, pria yang belakangan ini menjadi mimpi buruknya. Ia ingin pria itu bahagia tapi tidak dengan mengorbankan kebahagiannya sendiri.

Beberapa muda-mudi mengambil meja dekat Kay duduk. Ia memandang arlojinya, angka pendek mendekati angka 5, waktu orang-orang keluar kerja. "Mungkin aku harus mulai beranjak," pikir kay dalam hati. Ia tak pernah menyukai keramaian meski kadang ia suka bersembunyi dalam keramaian itu. Berada dalam kerumuman manusia untuk larut dalam pikirannya sendiri. Ia suka memandangi manusia. Menculik secuplik adegan dari apa yang ia lihat untuk kemudian menggubahnya dalam dunia imaji. Ia ingin semua orang bahagia, tapi entah kenapa ia merasa tertekan.

"Sudah mau beredar lagi Kay?" sapa Bagas ketika Kay membereskan laptop metaliknya.
"Yep, memberi ruang bagi pelanggan kamu selanjutnya. Ciao."

Suhu luar beranjak menurun meski masih terlalu panas untuk berjalan terlalu lama di luar ruangan. Masih ada satu tulisan yang harus ia selesaikan tapi pikirannya menolak untuk bekerjasama. Kala dan segala tindakannya membuat ia sakit kepala.

Tuesday, August 02, 2016


The thing about feeling insecure is you try to detach yourself from being involved. The more you like something or somebody, the more you feel the urge to create the detachment.

So then why not go with someone who offered you certainty?

Tuesday, July 26, 2016


Belum sempat ia mengaduk-aduk tasnya untuk mencari bolpen, Rangga menyodorkan bolpennya. Kemala mengambilnya, menuliskan sebait kalimat dan mengembalikannya pada Rangga tanpa saling menatap. Keduanya tersenyum. Kemala merasa pipinya menghangat. Entah kenapa, Rangga seolah tahu apa kebutuhan Kemala tanpa ia harus meminta. 

'Darn you memory, why do you keep on repeating the good bits?'

Sunday, July 17, 2016


I thought I could put an end since it felt complicated
Distracting my self with work and friends
so I could stop missing him and stop sending him messages
But why I felt happy when I talked to him?
Why my gloomy day became bright, only because of him?

Friday, July 15, 2016

Expiry Date

I do not realize that our agreement has an expiry date but apparently it has
I start to see you in my friends' page and maybe, it is about time
It is funny that this month is July
Years ago I mixed it with June

Friday, July 08, 2016


If you stay in one place, would it be easier to call a particular place: home, a place that will give you a warm feeling of belonging, of being part of something? Being a gypsy allows you to travel to many places in the world, intersect your life with others' who do not share similar beliefs, culture and tradition. At the same time, you feel that all of you are the same human being. Sometimes you communicate not through words but through smiles or gesture, a universal language that can either make or brake you.

I still remember my experience being in the police station in Turkey airport due to lack of dollar. The police was amused by the immigration office who did not accept euro but then accompanied me to go to the nearest ATM. We have to pass several guards and it felt cool to have a personal bodyguard.

An old man in an onyx shop who gave me a present because he saw me as a family.

A lady in a hotel in Nanjing who always tried to serve me even when it was not necessary or when it was her colleague's duty to serve me.

There were many nice memories that I like to cherish but there were also many sadness. When you being away in a foreign city, you start to fall in love to different things. You start to wish all the streets have paths for bicycle, to eat bread for breakfast and to have agenda for the whole week. You also start to be attached to the people who live there. You want them to constantly be part of your life but you realize that at some point you have to move again. You start to loose the definition of home since your love's one are all over the world.

You want to settle in a city, in a place where you feel you belong but then you forget how to do it. You like the time flexibility but you also miss the order. You start to attach to new people but you still miss people from the other places. You start to imagine a Frankenstein city where all the people you love can be in the same city, a city that connects different countries and time differences.

In response to City and a particular description of city

Flowers, Closure and Friendship

If only ...
One can choose to whom they fall
Then maybe ...
The flowers may blossom into one's heart

Unfortunately, we are not living in the world of ifs and maybes. I even do not know whether I can still see you as my friend. When you did not acknowledge my space, I do not know whether we have anything left. I want you to be happy, to be loved by someone who love you the way you do. But now the words do not even sound sincere anymore.