Thursday, June 16, 2016

The Materiality of Love

"It is easy to accept one's bright side, but would you able to accept his dark side as well? Chemistry is not only about having butterflies in your stomach, but it is also about being able to accept things that make you uncomfortable while making the other part comfortable. There is no perfect match."
"Probably because you do not look hard enough."
"Do you have someone that you love deep enough but you cannot stand to be around them for a long period?"
"Yeah, I get your point. You may fall to the idea to have someone who understand you, but you must remember that both of you are different persons that do things differently. You may like to go to parties while the other likes to be at home. You may be very organized while the other likes to throw things whenever s/he finds an empty space. You may expect the other to do things that s/he dislikes or the other way around, you may be disappointed since the other has a different style of doing things than you. The idea of loving someone is nice but problem emerges once you have to negotiate your personal physical space: look, smell, body language, routines."
"You also need to remember that love is situated in a particular time and space. You need to work on it over and over. You may have reciprocal feeling at a particular moment, but if you take the relation for granted, you may loose the situation that build the feeling."  
"Are you suggesting that love is more than a feeling?"
"Exactly. Love is always manifested in its materiality or practice. Unless you are a chronic saposexual who can be satisfied by one's intelligence, you need to feel comfortable with the one you love."

Monday, June 13, 2016

It's Complicated!

"What do you want? By doing this you may end up hurting many people. Please be firm on what you want."
"Can you be nice to me?"
"With that look you can even ask me to jump from a cliff for you. Do you want me to console you or do you want me to be objective, something that you are lacking these days?"
"I want you to fix my messy life."
"You already know the answer, you just do not want to follow it."
"Yeah, I know. It is just so bloody hard."
"But that's the thing about you. Life comes to you easily. You never apply for a job, there were many people who protected you whenever you made a mistake. You broke up with someone but you can easily find someone else."
"Are you saying that I am spoiled?"
"No, not really. I am just saying that you have particular ways of doing things; ways that invite people to act in certain ways toward you. You may dislike some of them but you have to understand that you contribute to the way they behave towards you."

Koma

"Mengapa kini berbeda dengan 8 tahun lampau?"
"Karena tak ada titik. Dulu aku tak membiarkan koma itu tercipta. Ketiadaan yang aku tak tahu harus aku syukuri atau sesali."
"Dan sekarang ketika ada koma, kau bahagia?"
"Entahlah, mungkin aku membuat kesalahan besar dengan menciptakan koma. Jeda itu tercipta karena ada kesempatan, dan ketika mulanya aku menginginkan titik dan mengubahnya menjadi koma, akan ada hal-hal yang terusik."

Friday, June 10, 2016

Craving

Since creating an algorithm takes time, it is better to find a shortcut ... A real human being who can fill the void.

Monday, June 06, 2016

Karma (2)

You may have reciprocal love but somehow, your relationship does not work. The universe intersects your paths when both of you are on different stages of life. You may love someone but you love yourself more; you have things that you want to do for yourself before you want to entangle your life with someone else. It is not a matter of compromise or fighting; it is really about finding yourself. Even it means to let go the other person and breaks your own heart as consequence. At the same time, the other person wants to settle down and since you were no longer in the picture, done it without you as the spouse.

Once, I was the former. I had my personal dreams and I broke up with someone who I thought would always be in my life. Today, I am the latter. I want to settle down, while the person I am in love with want to pursue his dreams. Another end, which allows me to have a closure for the first end.


Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Karma

Hari ini aku membaca tulisannya,
perasaan menyengat yang dulu kadang singgah sudah tak ada
Mungkin mantra sang waktu telah bekerja
Tak ada lagi kita diantara aku dan dia
Semua runyam ketika kau berbicara tentang taman
Segala kenangan yang telah tertidur seolah menemukan ruhnya kembali
Taman adalah dia. orang yang mengajariku untuk melawan penjahat kelabu
Dan rupanya kau mengenalnya dengan cukup baik

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Rumah

"What do you want?"
"A place to call home."
"Can you be less cryptic about it?"
"Aku lelah berpetualang, aku ingin berlabuh. Di sisi lain, kalau pada akhirnya aku memutuskan untuk berlabuh, aku ingin untuk sesuatu yang tepat. Aku tak mau lagi mendapati kasurku kosong atau rumah yang terlampau hening. Aku juga tak mau menghadapi tangisan anak-anak sendirian. Kalau pada akhirnya aku harus melakukan semuanya sendiri, aku lebih memilih hidup sebagai gipsi. Seizing the day, loving as many people as I can and moving on."
"And that is what you are going to do if you don't find the right fit, moving on?"
"Entahlah, hidup berpindah-pindah membuatku sedikit imun dengan rasa sakit. Adakalanya bau, warna atau tempat membuatku teringat dengan seseorang. Kenangan yang sampai kapanpun akan menyengat. Tapi hubungan dengan seseorang tak pernah benar-benar hanya tentang aku; ada dia dan hidupnya yang tak hanya tentang aku. Patah hati adalah salah satu bentuk cinta; cinta yang membebaskan. Untuk bisa berpindah tempat, kau harus ahli dalam hal ini." 
"What is love for you?"
"Entahlah, mungkin aku mencintai terlalu banyak hal. Aku menyukai ide untuk mendapatkan hidup yang stabil, to live with the man I love, to have our own kids and to be able to work on something I love."
"Sometimes you have to compromise ..."
"Yeah, and I do not know what to choose."

Friday, May 20, 2016

Warung Kopi

Sebuah warung kopi dengan ornamen Belanda. Lagu zaman dulu terdengar sayup. Suasana remang. Seorang pria dengan kopi dingin tampak sedang gelisah. Matanya lekat menatap pintu masuk sembari sesekali melihat jam di telepon genggamnya. Raut wajahnya seketika berubah ketika melihat sang gadis masuk. Wajah cemasnya berubah cerah. Ia tersenyum. Sang gadis tersenyum. Mereka bercengkrama sampai pramusaji menanyakan pesanan sang gadis.

"Saya pesan kopi yang paling manis," ujar sang gadis kepada pramusaji. Obrolan pria dan sang gadis terusik. Sang gadis tak tahu harus berkata apa. Ia memang tak suka bercerita, biasanya ia berhasil menghindari kewajiban untuk berkata-kata dengan mengajukan banyak pertanyaan. Dan orang akan mengartikan pertanyaan dengan perhatian. Padahal ia memang lebih senang diam. Sang gadis bermain dengan kertas di hadapannya. Potongan kertas dari bungkus sedotan. Beragam pikiran melintas benaknya tapi ia biarkan mereka tetap di tempatnya. Pria bercerita.

Jam demi jam berlalu. sang gadis takjub dengan bagaimana waktu bisa berlalu demikian cepat. Ia harus pergi. Mereka berpisah.