Sunday, May 20, 2018

De-taming

"... What does that mean-- 'tame'?" asked the Little Prince.
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince. 
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day..." 
The next day the little prince came back. "It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you... One must observe the proper rites..." 

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince. "Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."

(Taken from The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-ExupĂ©ry)

De-taming means to create a routine to detach; to get use to the idea of separation and to be stranger to one another. Similar to the idea of taming, de-taming takes time and routine.

While initially I thought total detachment is necessary to move forward, later I realized that it only kept the separation unreal. There were too many what ifs that made me wonder about what went wrong while in reality there was nothing I could do to make it right. Through de-taming, I am able to reduce the emotion and to accept the change of status of our relationship. 

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Bawang

Dasar bawang,
Kau membuatku menangis lagi semalam
Pada pahit zaitun dan bawang yang menghitam
Pada rautmu ketika mencicip rasa
Pada ingatan yang menolak lupa

Introvert

One of the peculiar things of being an introvert is difficulty to invite new people to enter your life. You have a certain decency to be polite to random people but what truly matters are the ones who have capture your heart. People who have been with you through bad and good times. Having people saying 'I love you' without really knowing them thus felt strange since you have a different way of falling for someone. For you falling is about finding the right rhythm, of finding the balance that actually works for both sides, of accepting one's beauty but also their scars, of being vulnerable since falling means their pain also become yours. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Heart

The first phase of dealing with the end of something is always the hardest. You still function somehow, but your heart like to play a trick on you. 
You go to the bookstore, electronic center and the grocery store but suddenly going alone seems to be too lonely for you. 
You already accept the result, you even start to add new color in your life, but you are not sure whether this is what you want. 
Everything seems too perfect and you are not use to perfection. Perfection does not feel human and a cold feeling start to creeping on your spine.
Maybe, this is the time for a new beginning. To find a new place and routine, to reset the self by meeting new people.

Maybe.

Tuesday, April 03, 2018

Ritual

The great thing about ritual is that you can live without thinking. Your body functions following a certain routine and somehow, you will survive. So when everything starts to fall apart, you wonder whether it is the familiarity that you are missing or the persons, scent or things that build the routine. You fail to distinct what really matter since your world is falling apart. Suddenly, you have to make plenty of decision to make everything right again.

So what keep a routine? I always thought feeling is the key but nowadays I think commitment is. Feeling is a necessary condition but it fails to meet the sufficient condition. You may have a strong feeling for someone but when there is no certainty about the future, your feeling starts to shatter. You still miss the ritual but somehow the familiar feeling starts to discomfort you.

Meant to Be

If things are meant to be, they should happen right?
So if things do not work out, they are simply not meant to be.

Simple logic.

Sunday, December 03, 2017

Tango

It takes two to tango. So if someone has a different idea, it is better to stop the dance rather makes the other falls.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Rasa

Ketika kau menyukai seseorang, kadang kau ingin semesta tahu tentang apa yang kau rasa. Kau punya belasan alasan tentang mengapa kau jatuh cinta. Kau suka dengan tawanya, kau suka polahnya, kau suka dengan hal-hal konyol yang ia lakukan. Kau ingin membuat ia bahagia. Tapi meski kau tulus, kadang orang jatuh cinta dengan cara yang berbeda. Alasan yang kau rasakan tentang mengapa kau jatuh cinta tak selalu berlaku sama. Ada yang jatuh cinta lewat belasan detik yang menentukan segalanya. Pandangan mata yang betabrakan lebih lama dari seharusnya dan kau tahu hidupmu tak akan lagi sama. Lain orang lain kisah. Kau jatuh cinta pada ritual yang terbentuk karena sering bersama. Tak ada aba-aba, tak ada kata, semuanya mengalir begitu saja.

Begitu pula dengan sebuah akhir. Ketika seseorang sampai pada suatu titik dan memilih bahwa satu sama lain tidak menjadi prioritas bagi yang lainnya. Hubungan itu akan merenggang hingga akhirnya kau dan dia menjadi orang asing.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Memilih

"Bagaimana mungkin aku beralih setelah semua perjuangan yang aku lakukan selama ini?"
"Tapi itu lucunya hidup bukan, kau tidak pernah tahu mana jalan yang terbaik. Kau mungkin saja merasa pilihan yang kini terbuka dihadapanmu sebagai sebuah distorsi atas jalan hidup yang selalu kau bayangkan, tapi siapa tahu keseluruhan hidupmu diperuntukan untuk saat ini, agar kau siap. Pada akhirnya, hidup itu bukan tentang bagaimana kau diberi kesempatan tapi tentang bagaimana kau memilih diantara kesempatan-kesempatan yang ada."
"Entahlah ..."
"Kau pernah jatuh cinta kemudian putus?"
"..."
"Bisa saja proses itu kau perlukan dalam hidupmu untuk menjadi lebih baik. Kau bahkan mungkin belajar hal-hal baru ketika bersamanya, hal-hal yang tetap kau tekuni meski tidak lagi bersamanya. Pada saat putus, kau mungkin merasa duniamu hancur, tapi mungkin itu cara hidup menjagamu agar kau memiliki kemampuan tertentu yang membuatmu berkembang."
"Kau membuatnya terdengar seperti relasi ekonomi, untung dan rugi."
"Tiap relasi dibangun berdasarkan perhitungan, sekurang-kurangnya tentang kerelaan untuk berbagi ruang pribadimu dengan orang lain, tapi arah argumenku lebih tentang masa depan. Apa yang kau anggap sebagai distorsi bisa terlihat sebagai sebuah skenario sempurna di masa depan. Kau membutuhkan tiap kepingan-kepingan hidup untuk menjadi dirimu yang utuh di masa depan."
"Seperti irisan-irisan dari masa lalu yang belakangan ini kau alami?"
"Iya seperti itu. Kau tidak pernah tahu bagaimana hal-hal random di masa lalu memiliki peran di masa depan. Everything happens for a reason."

De-taming

"... What does that mean-- 'tame'?" asked the Little Prince. "It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. ...