Tuesday, July 26, 2016


Belum sempat ia mengaduk-aduk tasnya untuk mencari bolpen, Rangga menyodorkan bolpennya. Kemala mengambilnya, menuliskan sebait kalimat dan mengembalikannya pada Rangga tanpa saling menatap. Keduanya tersenyum. Kemala merasa pipinya menghangat. Entah kenapa, Rangga seolah tahu apa kebutuhan Kemala tanpa ia harus meminta. 

'Darn you memory, why do you keep on repeating the good bits?'

Sunday, July 17, 2016


I thought I could put an end since it felt complicated
Distracting my self with work and friends
so I could stop missing him and stop sending him messages
But why I felt happy when I talked to him?
Why my gloomy day became bright, only because of him?

Friday, July 15, 2016

Expiry Date

I do not realize that our agreement has an expiry date but apparently it has
I start to see you in my friends' page and maybe, it is about time
It is funny that this month is July
Years ago I mixed it with June

Friday, July 08, 2016


If you stay in one place, would it be easier to call a particular place: home, a place that will give you a warm feeling of belonging, of being part of something? Being a gypsy allows you to travel to many places in the world, intersect your life with others' who do not share similar beliefs, culture and tradition. At the same time, you feel that all of you are the same human being. Sometimes you communicate not through words but through smiles or gesture, a universal language that can either make or brake you.

I still remember my experience being in the police station in Turkey airport due to lack of dollar. The police was amused by the immigration office who did not accept euro but then accompanied me to go to the nearest ATM. We have to pass several guards and it felt cool to have a personal bodyguard.

An old man in an onyx shop who gave me a present because he saw me as a family.

A lady in a hotel in Nanjing who always tried to serve me even when it was not necessary or when it was her colleague's duty to serve me.

There were many nice memories that I like to cherish but there were also many sadness. When you being away in a foreign city, you start to fall in love to different things. You start to wish all the streets have paths for bicycle, to eat bread for breakfast and to have agenda for the whole week. You also start to be attached to the people who live there. You want them to constantly be part of your life but you realize that at some point you have to move again. You start to loose the definition of home since your love's one are all over the world.

You want to settle in a city, in a place where you feel you belong but then you forget how to do it. You like the time flexibility but you also miss the order. You start to attach to new people but you still miss people from the other places. You start to imagine a Frankenstein city where all the people you love can be in the same city, a city that connects different countries and time differences.

In response to City and a particular description of city

Flowers, Closure and Friendship

If only ...
One can choose to whom they fall
Then maybe ...
The flowers may blossom into one's heart

Unfortunately, we are not living in the world of ifs and maybes. I even do not know whether I can still see you as my friend. When you did not acknowledge my space, I do not know whether we have anything left. I want you to be happy, to be loved by someone who love you the way you do. But now the words do not even sound sincere anymore.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

The Materiality of Love

"It is easy to accept one's bright side, but would you able to accept his dark side as well? Chemistry is not only about having butterflies in your stomach, but it is also about being able to accept things that make you uncomfortable while making the other part comfortable. There is no perfect match."
"Probably because you do not look hard enough."
"Do you have someone that you love deep enough but you cannot stand to be around them for a long period?"
"Yeah, I get your point. You may fall to the idea to have someone who understand you, but you must remember that both of you are different persons that do things differently. You may like to go to parties while the other likes to be at home. You may be very organized while the other likes to throw things whenever s/he finds an empty space. You may expect the other to do things that s/he dislikes or the other way around, you may be disappointed since the other has a different style of doing things than you. The idea of loving someone is nice but problem emerges once you have to negotiate your personal physical space: look, smell, body language, routines."
"You also need to remember that love is situated in a particular time and space. You need to work on it over and over. You may have reciprocal feeling at a particular moment, but if you take the relation for granted, you may loose the situation that build the feeling."  
"Are you suggesting that love is more than a feeling?"
"Exactly. Love is always manifested in its materiality or practice. Unless you are a chronic saposexual who can be satisfied by one's intelligence, you need to feel comfortable with the one you love."

Monday, June 13, 2016

It's Complicated!

"What do you want? By doing this you may end up hurting many people. Please be firm on what you want."
"Can you be nice to me?"
"With that look you can even ask me to jump from a cliff for you. Do you want me to console you or do you want me to be objective, something that you are lacking these days?"
"I want you to fix my messy life."
"You already know the answer, you just do not want to follow it."
"Yeah, I know. It is just so bloody hard."
"But that's the thing about you. Life comes to you easily. You never apply for a job, there were many people who protected you whenever you made a mistake. You broke up with someone but you can easily find someone else."
"Are you saying that I am spoiled?"
"No, not really. I am just saying that you have particular ways of doing things; ways that invite people to act in certain ways toward you. You may dislike some of them but you have to understand that you contribute to the way they behave towards you."


"Mengapa kini berbeda dengan 8 tahun lampau?"
"Karena tak ada titik. Dulu aku tak membiarkan koma itu tercipta. Ketiadaan yang aku tak tahu harus aku syukuri atau sesali."
"Dan sekarang ketika ada koma, kau bahagia?"
"Entahlah, mungkin aku membuat kesalahan besar dengan menciptakan koma. Jeda itu tercipta karena ada kesempatan, dan ketika mulanya aku menginginkan titik dan mengubahnya menjadi koma, akan ada hal-hal yang terusik."

Friday, June 10, 2016


Since creating an algorithm takes time, it is better to find a shortcut ... A real human being who can fill the void.