Monday, December 28, 2015


The strange thing of being in the crowd is that you can be perfectly invisible. No one will notice you. Or when interaction happens, you can hide yourself by asking questions. By doing it, you will shift the focus from you to them. Things are simpler for short relation. You do not have the background or historical burden. You can just be whoever you want to be. An identity that will last only for two days or more but again that temporary identity is part of you. 

Sunday, December 20, 2015


I think one of my biggest flaws is having a high degree. It keeps people away, or if I want to make it more specific, it brings men away. There, I said it. Even if I do not care about people's degree, it matters for men or their parents. To be fair, what important for me is not other's degree but rather their perspective on co-management and later on, co-parenting. I do not appreciate views about kids is for mother and not for father. Cleaning the house is for woman and not for man. So if finding a man who accept woman with higher degree is already difficult, adding it with equality doubles the difficulty.

In a way, this is about culture. When I was leaving abroad, it easy to find men taking care of their kids without having women in sight or doing household activities. I also have female friends who has higher degree than men. In Indonesia, it is quite rare to have these situations.

Being a PhD candidate allows me to do things that I love. It is not a matter of smart or not. Every time I meet a new person, most of them think that I just graduate from undergraduate since I am so clumsy. I can get lost anywhere not only in the streets but also in the building. I do not watch television so people may find me odd. But then since I am introvert I do not really care about what other people think. I like when people like me but I am way pass the pleasing people phase.

So as Dr. Seuss says: 'I am weird, you are weird. Everyone in this world is weird. One day two people come together in mutual weirdness and fall in love.'

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Review: The Little Prince

“You are not at all like my rose,” he said. “As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.”

“You are beautiful, but you are empty,” (the Little Prince) went on.
(The Little Prince and wild roses, Saint-Exupery)

The movie is beautiful by itself, but it is empty. I do not feel attached to the movie as I attach to the book. While the movie addresses the issue about grown-ups as Saint-Exupery, it fails to maintain the satirical tone of the book. Probably what troubles me the most is the movie interpretation about resistance. The movie interprets resistance through the little girl's actions to break her schedule and to play with her neighbor despite her mother's warning. In the book, the Little Prince interprets resistance through disbelieving. There was no direct confrontation between the characters as appear in the movie. In a way, the book feels more like a Gandhi type of resistance while the movie feels more like a Hollywood type of war where everything needs to be explicit. I think the latter point is my other problem towards the movie. It does not allow me to have multiple interpretation.

If there is something I like about the movie is its soundtrack :)  

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Culture Shock

... is when good intention rubs you the wrong way
When loving someone is easier through distance
When you can compare one to the other
And you miss the other terribly

So yes, I have not contacted the person regarding an opportunity in the campus. I hate the unstructured mechanism. I hate the being nice part without knowing what they will say behind your back. I try to just experience not to be judgmental but I am not sure that I like the experience.

Tuesday, December 08, 2015


If there was a slight interest
Why not bother to say hey
Instead, you only watched me from afar
Left me wondering in the dark

Maybe I am the one to blame
Too shy to even smile or to say hey
Not sure what to say
And left you with an impression that I did not care


"... What does that mean-- 'tame'?" asked the Little Prince. "It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. ...